A joke about fishing for fish. Selected and funniest fishing jokes

The man went fishing. I took one fishing rod, half a liter - so, sit on the bank. Sits, pours and drinks. He doesn’t bite .... He drank almost the entire bottle, but there was not a single bite. There is a little bit of vodka left, and then it bites! A man pulls out, and there is a small carp. Well, the fisherman thought - what to do with him? Yes, even with a small one. He opened his mouth, splashed a couple of drops of vodka, threw it back into the water and slowly began to get ready to go home. And then it started to peck! The man is tired of pulling out the fish. I caught a full bucket and goes home happy. He hears an evil whisper from the bucket:
- Well, carp, well, b * chara ... .. Pour !!! Let go!!!

The shortest and most beautiful fairy tale! There was once a prince who once asked a beautiful princess: “Will you marry me?” And she answered: “NO!!!” And the prince lived happily ever after, went hunting and fishing, met with friends every day, drank a lot of beer, and got drunk on snot, and played golf, and threw socks around the palace, and did not lower the toilet lid, and f*x* l maids, neighbors, and girlfriends, and sang in the shower, and farted when he liked, and burped loudly, and scratched his balls. End…

How much did you catch while fishing?
- Less than Kolyan.
So he didn't catch anything.
- And I also lost my fishing rod.

I played fishing on my computer. Set "realistic" to the maximum. As a result, I sat stupidly in front of the screen for two hours ... I didn’t peck.

I’ll come fishing on a broken-down UAZ, the bite is excellent, there is silence around. As on a brand new Mercedes GL, women appear from somewhere, start swimming naked nearby.
They also fish...

The boy comes to school with a huge swollen lip, he is asked:
- What's the matter?
- I went fishing with my dad and a wasp sat on my lip.
- Bitten?
- No, dad killed her with an oar right away!

One friend invites another to go fishing.
- What are you, - he dismisses, - I do not know how to fish at all.
- Yes, what is there to be able to, pour and drink.

A man went fishing with a friend. He told his wife for three days. They drank there for three days. Before leaving, SMS comes from his wife:
- If the pike is expensive, buy carps.

A man goes fishing at four in the morning. Suddenly, a traffic cop runs out of the bushes and stops him:
- Documentation!
The man gives the rights and registration certificate.
- Normal people sleep at home at this time, and you are going somewhere. Suspiciously...
- So I think, normal houses, and you are sitting in the bushes at four in the morning. Suspiciously...

One friend says to another:
- And I go to the left without problems. I tell my wife that I went, like, fishing. She doesn't mind. I do not know why.
- And you tell her that you went fishing, and come back yourself. And you will know: why?

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Who are the greatest storytellers by nature? Hunters or fishermen? Over time, the palm passes from one to another, but if you try to draw an analogy, both fishermen and hunters are the same fans of lying. That is why fishing jokes, which absorbed the stories told by the fishermen, always funny, unusual and memorable. You just have to look at one of the funny fishing jokes, so that later you can remember and tell your friends.

Funny fishing jokes

Indeed, one viewing is enough to remember the next funny jokes about fishing. And if some events from the joke are forgotten, you can safely come up with your own plot. After all, the main characters of short jokes about fishing do just that.

Do you want to laugh enough at the failures of anglers? View funny photos about fishermen who have collected all the sea failures. Well, you will learn about luck from short jokes about fishing.

Funny jokes about fishermen

Most often, fishing adventure is accompanied by abundant drinking of alcoholic beverages. And the fishermen lose their gear, rods, bait, and barely return home without a catch. However, some funny jokes about fishermen differ from the standard development of events. And all because someone did not take vodka for fishing. And then the main characters of funny fishing jokes are able to catch a whole backpack of fish. Although, women in funny jokes about fishermen are not always happy with such happiness. The fish still needs to be cleaned.

Rzhachnye jokes about fishing and fishermen

In addition to standard fishing stories, you can find funny jokes about fishing and fishermen, in which two lovers of fish soup are caught together, and a kind of competition begins, who will catch more. In such jokes about fishing and fishermen, lovers fishing they try to annoy their opponent as much as possible by giving him "practical" advice, which can catch a lot of fish. And if the opponent believes his counterpart, you can watch a fascinating and funny ending of the joke. And in cartoons about hilarious fishing, you can clearly see how this actually happens.

Jokes about fishermen are funny

On our site you can find jokes about fishermen funny, which are constantly updated, filling the site with a fresh portion of humor. We collect only the funniest fisherman jokes from all over the web so that our readers can enjoy the best jokes. You will also find cool demotivators for fishermen and a bunch of other thematic humor.

A man went fishing in the winter. I left the house - all around was a blizzard, a blizzard. Decided not to go fishing and returned home. Lies in bed next to his wife, hugs her. The wife asks:
- Is that you, honey?
- Yes I.
- How is the weather?
- Blizzard, blizzard ... brrrrr!
- And my fool went fishing.

Summer. Heat. A man rides a bike uphill. I went up to the very top, and there was a bridge, and a fisherman was standing in the middle, fishing. He approaches the fisherman, slowly, and asks:
- What, man, do you fish?
The answer is silence. He again:
- Hey man, are you fishing?
Silence again.
- Hey, do you fish?
Silence. The man spat and drove on. Downhill. With the wind. He went down already, suddenly from behind someone calls him. He turns around: there is a fisherman waving his hands at something. Man hands to feet and back. He barely climbed the mountain, he was terribly tired. The fisherman asks him:
- What, man, do you ride a bike?

The man went fishing. I took one fishing rod, "half a liter" - so, sit on the bank. Sits, pours and drinks. He doesn’t bite .... He drank almost the entire bottle, but there was not a single bite. There is a little bit of vodka left, and then it bites! A man pulls out, and there is a small carp. Well, the fisherman thought - what to do with him? Yes, even with a small one. He opened his mouth, splashed a couple of drops of vodka, threw it back into the water and slowly began to get ready to go home. And then it started to peck! The man is tired of pulling out the fish. I caught a full bucket and goes home happy. He hears an evil whisper from the bucket:
- Well, a crucian, well, a bitch ... .. They pour !!! Let go!!!

A man asks a fisherman:
- Nothing again?
- Nothing. This week, even the most inveterate liar
didn't catch anything!

Woman friend:
- Why are you so excited? What's happened?
- I gave my husband a set of fishing lures on February 23.
- Well, that's right. He has been going fishing every weekend for 10 years. What's wrong?
- He twirled them in his hands, twirled them and asked: “What is it? ..”

The man returned from fishing and says to his wife:

Well, the stingy people went! The guys and I agreed: whoever catches the first fish puts the magarych, and whoever catches the second - a snack, and what do you think? I look, Seryoga's float went to the bottom, and he sits as if he does not see. Petka also had a pull, as much as the rod was bent. And he doesn't bug!
- Here's the miser! Did you peck? the wife asked.
- There are no fools. I threw it without bait at all.

A man sits for an hour or two on the shore. Looks at the float - nothing at all. Swims past a crocodile:
- Che, man, not pecking?
- Doesn't bite.
- You don't want to swim?

Fishing is a quiet and serene leisure activity that even belongs to tourist sports. Where do all these fishing jokes come from? - you say. But fishing only at first glance seems like a peaceful hobby. Where a company of several people gathers and a zest is added in the form of strong drinks, you can forget about calmness and serenity.

What just does not happen during outdoor recreation near an open reservoir. The fishermen also fall out of the pvc boat, and catch themselves on fishing rods, and fall asleep next to the catch, and lose their rubber boots. Although without alcohol, funny and funny photos are also obtained. For example, when only beginners go into battle or curious wives or girls join the leisure.

Some fishermen with a special sense of humor are amused by everyone possible ways: they make fun of friends, take pictures hugging huge fish, dress them up in hats and panama hats, even play whole theatrical performances and get pretty interesting photos fishing fun. People with a broad soul will definitely figure out how to diversify their gray everyday life. In general, no matter how entertained, if only it was happier and livelier.

Cool, very funny jokes about fishermen and fishing are collected on this page. Read, laugh, share with friends on social networks.

The boy comes to school with a huge swollen lip, he is asked:
- What's the matter?
- I went fishing with my dad and a wasp sat on my lip.
- Bitten?
- No, dad killed her with an oar right away!

One friend calls another:
- Shall we go fishing tomorrow?
- Wait, I'll consult with my wife now.
- Well? Let's go, the bite will be great.
- No, I'm not going. My wife allowed me to drink vodka at home.

The heart of the fisherman Semyon almost stopped when he saw that the catfish not only broke loose, but also caught it with its tail and knocked over a case of vodka cooling in the river.

- Dad, today we went to the oceanarium with the class! - Well, what was the most interesting thing there? - Sawfish! - It's okay to lie. Also say that after that the fish sang!

The fishermen agreed to compete who would lie better. The first one says:
— I once caught a 21 kg pike.
Rest:
- Well, it happens, everything is possible.
Second:
— I caught a 57 kg catfish.
Rest:
- Well, everything is possible.
Third:
- And I had a case, the whole day I didn’t have a single bite, I didn’t even drink out of chagrin, I brought all the vodka back.
All:
- Well, you're lying!

Fishing jokes are the funniest

A man went fishing in the winter. I left the house - all around was a blizzard, a blizzard. Decided not to go fishing and returned home. Lies in bed next to his wife, hugs her. The wife asks:
- Is that you, honey?
- Yes I.
- How is the weather?
- Blizzard, blizzard ... brrrrr!
- And my fool went fishing.

Summer. Heat. A man rides a bike uphill. I went up to the very top, and there was a bridge, and a fisherman was standing in the middle, fishing. He approaches the fisherman, slowly, and asks:
- What, man, do you fish?
The answer is silence. He again:
- Hey man, are you fishing?
Silence again.
- Hey, do you fish?
Silence. The man spat and drove on. Downhill. With the wind. He went down already, suddenly from behind someone calls him. He turns around: there is a fisherman waving his hands at something. Man hands to feet and back. He barely climbed the mountain, he was terribly tired. The fisherman asks him:
- What, man, do you ride a bike?

Two friends are talking:
Why don't you go fishing?
“Yes, you see, my wife won’t let me.
- Do as I do. I’ve been preparing everything since Friday, on Saturday morning I throw back the canopy of the blanket, look at my wife’s ass and say: “Well, ass.” She is offended, we quarrel. I'm for a fishing rod - and fishing. And in the evening I come and we reconcile.
The friend did just that. Prepared gear in the evening. In the morning he threw back the curtains of the blanket:
- Well, ass! .. Oh, well, this fishing!

A fisherman sits on the bank of a river. He has two rods. He strings a worm on one and throws it into the river. On the second he strings a worm and throws it behind him.
A man passes by and asks: “That fishing rod that is clear in the river. And which you throw behind, why? » The fisherman says: «I won't tell. » Man: "Tell me, I'll pour a hundred grams."
He poured a hundred grams to the fisherman, he drank and said: “Look, which fishing rod in the river has never pecked, And which is behind, you are already the fifth”

— I played fishing on my computer. Set REALISTICITY to max. As a result, two hours stupidly sat in front of the screen. It didn't bite.

- I want to go hunting!
- I want to go fishing!
- Well, I propose a compromise - let's go shoot fish!

Two men went fishing. We drank. One wakes up in the morning, wakes the other:
- What are you, a fool, put a net in the field?
- What am I? Where you rowed, there I put!

Funny to tears jokes about fishing

Two friends were fishing. One was lucky: he pulled out a large bream, which frantically twitched and did not give up in any way.
- Listen, how can I finish him off? - asked lucky angler.
- And you drown him!

Conversation between two friends:
- Why are you so excited? What's happened?
- Gave my husband a set of fishing baubles on February 23 ..
- Well, okay, that's right. He's a fisherman. What's wrong?
-He spun it in his hands, spun it and asked: “What is this?”

The fisherman's inspector caught the fisherman and says:
- You got a man, you can’t fish here!
- I don't catch it.
- Why are you soaring to me, and what is this?
- Well, this is my fish, I brought it for a walk. I let her out, then I whistle - she returns, and we go home.
- All right, show me.
The man released the fish, and they are watching. Inspector says:
- Well, whistle.
- For what?
- For the fish to come back.
- What fish?

There is a meeting of the society of fishermen - amateurs. Chairman speaks:
- Winter season is approaching. How much vodka will we take? The year before last, we took one bottle per brother - we lost fishing rods, last year we took two bottles - we lost the bus. What do you offer?
One angler comes out:
- I propose to take three bottles this year, but do not take fishing rods, and do not get off the bus.

A man came to go fishing in the winter, drilled a hole, just about to throw a fishing rod, as a quiet voice says to him, insinuatingly like this:
- There are no fish here...
The man shrugged his shoulders, drilled another hole, further away. And the same quiet voice repeats to him:
- There are no fish here...
The man drilled the third hole, and again the same thing:
- There are no fish here...
He went berserk: - Yes, who is this ... says something?! ...
- I say this, the director of the rink ...

Two fishermen are talking:
- Yesterday I caught a huge sturgeon. I threw it over my shoulder and went home.
- Well?
- And here because of the bushes - the inspector of fisheries!
- Well?!
- And I'm a sturgeon from my shoulder - and into my pocket!

The brothers went on a winter fishing trip. Well, they arrived, they smeared it, they look, and the ice
did not take anything to hammer. Well, they send one of their own for a crowbar. That jump on the jeep and to the nearest village. I drove up to one house and yelled:
- Hey, grandfather, let me break the ice with a crowbar.
Grandfather gave, he left. An hour later he arrives again:
- Grandfather, and grandfather! Is there any more scrap?
Grandfather gave them another one. An hour later he came again.
- Grandfather, is there still scrap?
- Che, son, is the bite good?
- Yes, what a damn, bite - they haven’t lowered the boat into the water yet !!!

- I’ll come fishing on a broken-down UAZ, the bite is excellent, there is silence around. As in a brand new Mercedes, women appear from somewhere, start swimming naked nearby.
- They also fish.

Jokes about fishermen and fishing

To hide his drunkenness, returning from fishing, a drunken husband bought a huge catfish. It was this pork carcass that betrayed him.

Two men are sitting and fishing. Suddenly one of them caught a mermaid. He looked at her for a long time, then sighed pityingly and let go.
The second man in extreme amazement: - WHY???
And the first one with great regret: — HOW????

- Do you have documents for this fish?
What do you need, a death certificate?

The little son runs into the room to his mother and cries bitterly.
- Son, why are you crying???
Son, through tears:
- Dad and I were fishing, dad caught a big fish, and when he pulled out the line, the line broke and the fish swam away.
Mom smiling:
- Nu, so and that here cry, son?! You are already an adult boy and should understand that in such situations you should not cry, but laugh!
- So I laughed!
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Two fishermen sailed on a boat for many days in a row, but could not find a fishing spot. And then one day they got lucky. When they returned to the shore and handed over the boat, one of them asked the other:
- Do you remember the place where we fished today?
Who do you take me for? I drew a cross on the bottom of the boat.
- Fool! What if they give us another boat?

- Biting?
- Yesterday I pulled twenty-five pikes and forty carp!
- Do you know who I am?
- No.
- Inspector of fisheries.
- Do you know who I am?
- No.
- I'm the first liar in the area.

Fishing enthusiasts decided to fight for fishing to be recognized as an Olympic sport ...
We arranged competitions, invited experts from the International Olympic Committee.
- Well, - they ask, - have you convinced the experts that fishing can be an Olympic sport?
“Almost,” say the fishermen. - It remains only to prove that vodka is not doping ...

Vasily Ivanovich and Petka were sent to Africa to introduce the natives to civilization. After a while, an inspector comes to them to look at the results. Vasily Ivanovich was not there, so Petka and I went to look for him on the river. And for sure, Chapaev is rushing along Limpopo on a boat, towing a Negro on water skis.
The examiner praises:
- ABOUT! Yes, you are introducing cultural recreation here, developing water sports.
Petka answers:
- Not really. This is Vasily Ivanovich again catching a crocodile on live bait.